Quiznos – Size does matter

25 Mar 2009
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (23)  |  Add Comment

Quiznos recently released a new product.  The Toasty Torpedo. If you haven’t heard about it. Or don’t want to click on that link because it is horrible marketing, I will explain:

The Quiznos Toasty Torpedo is a 1 ft long ciabatta bread toasted sandwich. They have apparently 5 different kinds, Turkey something, Italian, beef, a tuna kind..and another…fuck if I know.  And it can be yours for $4.  Yes $4 foot long…

Wait a minute.  I see what you did there.

There is another Sandwich making business in this country.  SUBWAY! They make sub like sandwiches same as Quiznos. There recent promotion, which apparently been going well since it is been going for about 6+ months now is: “$5 Foot-Longs.”

Yep. A foot long sandwich for $5.  Cheese, meat, and all kinds of veggies.  All on a regular size sandwich loaf.

So Quiznos thinks it is clever, offering a $4 foot long!  That’s a dollar cheaper than Subway!  YAY! I can save money and still get a foot long sandwich!!

Wait…what do you mean the Quiznos ciabatta bread is only about 1.5-2 inches in diameter.  That’s not sandwich bread.  That’s a fucking bread stick.

Lets be nerds for a minute.  If a regular Subway sandwich had a diameter of 4 inches, and the Quiznos Toasty Torpedo has a diameter of 3 inches (Sizes not accurate, I do not feel like measuring sandwiches).

If you use the formula to figure out volume of a cylinder, v=[pi]*r^2*h (volume equals Pi X radius squared X height). The results:

  • Subway Sandwich:  ~150 cubic inches
  • Quiznos Toasty Torpedo: ~85 cubic inches.

So for $1 more, you can go to Subway, get  about 75% more sandwich, and have more choices in what goes on it.

I see what Quiznos is doing there… they are hoping you are retarded. They hope that you won’t figure out that they are just tricking you. They think your brains will process the $4 as a cheaper lunch alternative and get you away from Subway.

But even if you are semi-retarded, after you get one of the small torpedoes you’ll wish you went to Subway.

Even a hillbilly knows the difference between a 12-pack and  a 6-pack.

Added Bonus: If you have seen one of the commercials, you can note the bread bag like item they place them in (Note I did not say wrap).  The Quiznos I visited put one of these Torpedoes into the bag, put that bag into a plastic to-go bag and handed it over. I noticed by the time it made it back to the office that a lot of the meat/cheese/lettuce had kind of fell down the sandwich toward the bottom of the bread bag.

This is probably why Subway, for decades, has wrapped their sandwiches tightly to prevent things from falling all over the place. They apparently know what they are doing when it comes to sandwiches.

23 Responses to “Quiznos – Size does matter”

  1. Viktor Says:

    Yeah and people laugh at me because I figure what my cost per ounce is on all groceries I buy. One gallon of milk (128 Ounces) for $1.99 = $0.0155 per ounce. Loaf of wheat bread (22.5 ounces) for $0.99 = $0.044.
    Oh how I dislike the term, but: Bottom line, it is MY money.
    There is a Subway shop not more than a mile away….

  2. Jonathon Danger Thunder M.D. Says:

    Heres some FACTS the government DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW!

    FACT: Subway is ran by a SUPER SECRET organization whose goal is to SUBVERT YOU. SUBway, SUBvert. DO YOU SEE THE OBVIOUS LINK?!?!?


    FACT: Once these “sandwich” shops DRIVE OTHER RESTARAUNTS OUT OF BUSINESS they will focus on grocery stores!!!! Then where will you get food?!?? FROM THE SUPER SECRET ORGANIZATION!?!?!


    FACT: Size DOES MATTER. I’m HUGE. (ish)

  3. What Is Wrong With Quiznos? [Bizarre] | Finance Money Financial News Says:

    […] 2: Laura pointed us to this blog, where a guy estimates that the toasty torpedo is approximately 75% smaller than the Subway sandwich it’s intended to compete against. We hope Quizno’s next ad for […]

  4. Melanie Says:

    You need to check your math again. You get 25% more sandwich. But hey, I’m not the one with a blog.

  5. Joel The Great Says:

    Hello Melanie,

    Thank you for visiting. I rechecked what I posted, and I do not see how you came up with the 25%? If you could show your work it’d help me understand.

    As for my work, as I said in my post:
    ” * Subway Sandwich: ~150 cubic inches
    * Quiznos Toasty Torpedo: ~85 cubic inches.

    So for $1 more, you can go to Subway, get about 75% more sandwich, and have more choices in what goes on it.”

    So the Subway sandwich is approximately 65 more cubic inches than the Quiznos.

    So 65/85 = X/100, cross multiply and you get something around 76.47%

    So, you spend a dollar more at subway for the extra Cubic inches of sandwich that is 76% MORE than the Quiznos sandwich, compared to the Quiznos sandwich.

    If I am wrong, please show me where my error is. I don’t want to have incorrect information.

    *Please note all sizes/percentages are an estimation, I do not have accurate measurements of either sandwich.

  6. Look a cyborg! » Blog Archive » Size, is it important? Says:

    […] I only say that because I’m huge (in Japan) but mostly this post is brought about by the post here.   I only bring it up because I know the guy and he’s probably the only person who checks […]

  7. Viktor Says:

    $5/150 cu in = 0.03333 cents per cu in for a Subway. $4/85 cu in = 0.04706 for the toasty roasty Q. or a Subway is by 70.824% better deal.
    Q is about 56.666% the size of subway (85 Q / 150 Sub) or Subway is 1.76471 larger than Q (150 sub/85 Q)
    Either way you slice it (sorry, couldn’t resist) Subway is the better deal. As I usually go on cost per ounce or cost per cubic inch, since it is My money, it’s Subway.
    I have included the methodology so you can check my figures. I am a font of wisdom and knowledge, plus being quiet, shy and dignified – I never said I could do math.


  8. Ian Says:

    Volume of bread loaf does not equal mass of entire sandwich.

  9. Joel The Great Says:

    Hello Ian,

    You are correct on that. If I had more cash and was really hungry I’d get one of each and weigh them, but I’m lazy.

    I do believe that the diameter of the bread does have a direct correlation to the amount of meat and cheese it can contain. The more diameter, the more meat, the more meat, the more value for your money.

  10. Quiznos’ “Torpedo” Vs. Subway’s “$5 Foot-Long” Says:

    […] JoelTheGreat took it upon himself to dissect Quiznos’ new marketing campaign featuring their $4 […]

  11. Josh Says:

    While I agree that there are some shady practices going on here…I will go on record as saying that while the Torpedo is nowhere near as “thick” as a subway sandwich…that’s all negated when it comes to the fact that the cibatta bread is thinner than the Subway bread, which pads the size out of proportion to the amount of toppings they add in. Whether you like Subway or not, their Subs are about 3:2 bread to meat/toppings ratio. The Torpedo, on the other hand, is closer to a 1:1 or even slightly favoring meat/toppings. The only good sandwiches Subway makes are their “Piled On” or Double-meat sandwiches…which are not included in the $5 Footlong promotion since that would cost Subway too much money since everyone would get a Philly CheeseSteak or Subway Feast instead of a small layer of roast beef or turkey that constitutes the vast majority of Subway’s lacking sandwich offerings. More bread vs. more meat/toppings? Quizno’s wins. Sorry.

  12. Josh Says:

    And to further sum it up…just because their bread is thicker does not necessarily mean it hold more. I would venture to say that both Subway and Quiznos use the same amount of meat (because toppings is tweaked by consumer’s tastes) for the subs in this instance, but Subway’s seems like a better deal because it has more girth…thanks to the bread. I like their bread as much as the next person, but it should not be the dominating part of a sandwich. A sandwich is only as good as its filling, not its bread. The diameter might be larger…but that’s inflated by the fact that there’s more bread than the Torpedo. I admit I thought the same thing too…but I still went and actually tried the Torpedo and it was hands down better than Subway. I didn’t feel stuffed by the bread, but rather by the meat and toppings.

  13. Machete Says:


    I’ll provide my sandwich snob perspective. Quiznos is indeed banking that Subway patrons are morons because what Subway serves only technically meets the specifications of a ‘sub’.

    If you really want value for your dollars go to Publix and get a sandwich from them (if you’re lucky enough to have stores in your city).


    lol bandwidth – You should be happy that this is the one day that someone will actually read your blog.

  15. plz to pay for my bandweidth>!>!?!?!111 Says:

    “lol bandwidth – You should be happy that this is the one day that someone will actually read your blog.”

    Many times over.

  16. SuperDan Says:

    Great post joel!
    I agree with the previous post, go to publix if you have one nearby. While not $5, they pack more meat than the entire diameter of subway’s sub. You can get full on a 1/2.

  17. Scott Says:

    You need to compare the calories of the sandwiches for a fair comparison, not the volumetric measurement. The amount of fuel you get in food is meausured in calories, not size. You’ve built your argument on false data.

    The fairest comparison would be the Subway Italian BMT to a Quiznos Italian Torpedo.

    From the Subway website – http://subway.com/subwayroot/MenuNutrition/Nutrition/pdf/NutritionValues.pdf – the BMT footlong is 900 calories.

    From the Quiznos website – http://www.quiznos.com/subsandwiches/Products.aspx?itemType=torpedoes – Torpedo is 810 calories.

    900 compared to 810 is ~11%, so you pay 25% more for the Subway sandwich to get 11% more “food”, using the correct agreed upon measurements for food in the universe, calories, NOT size.

    I won’t argue which is better, that’s a matter of taste, but your argument is clearly biased and misleading because you measured the wrong “thing”. As a nerd you can’t argue that point.

  18. Joel The Great Says:

    You are correct that Calories is the amount of fuel. But, if I eat 3 oz of food that contain 3000 calories, I will feel less full than if I ate 6 oz of food that contain the same amount of calories. Your stomach does not know how many calories you eat.

    Also, the Subway Website states that the Italian BMT Nutritional value is based on their 9 grain bread, with lettuce, tomato, onions, green peppers, pickles, olives and cheese.

    First I don’t really know anyone who goes to subway and gets a sandwich dry. Usually you’ll add mustard and mayonnaise. Also there are other things you can add to your sandwich, and different types of breads, so calculating on a calorie basis is no fun.

    Secondly, last I checked Subway has 3 different kinds of cheese, and I highly doubt they have the same fat/calorie content

    If you go by the calorie count, then the Quiznos is actually a unhealthy sandwich compared to subway. Subway can give you more food, with less calories.

    I rather feel full from eating a real size sandwich.

  19. Kezins » Quiznos’ “Torpedo” Vs. Subway’s “$5 Foot-Long” Says:

    […] JoelTheGreat took it upon himself to dissect Quiznos’ new marketing campaign featuring their $4 “Torpedo” […]

  20. Lathan Says:

    I’d reccomend buying 1 of each sandwich, or heck, make it a science fair project… buy 10 of each, throw out the smallest and largest, and then take averages…

    Step 1- take the sandwiches apart, and divide the parts into respective groups, using “trays of equal mass” (to be subtracted off later)

    Step 2- weigh the parts, the AVERAGE WEIGHT per sandwich in bread, meat, cheese, sauce, etc.

    Step 3- compare by WEIGHT the amount of food vs amount of food subway vs quiznos, then consider costs.

    Step 4- Draw conclusions.

  21. Pratt Says:

    I agree with you 99% but wonder if you have really looked at the whole picture. DOn’t mean to be critical just food for thought.

  22. Deva Hazarika Says:

    Scott, your calorie comparison is flawed because the 810 Torpedo figure includes 200 calories for “dressing” on the sandwich. If you’re going to include that, then one could put Chipotle Sauce and Mayo on their footlong and add 400 calories.

    Lathan’s meat vs meat, bread vs bread, and veggies vs veggies comparison is obv the way to go!

  23. CmndoBob Says:

    Quiznos must rob an Olive Garden of their free bread sticks to make these things. FTW!