CiCi’s Pizza – Ghetto Pizza, Ghetto Coupons

16 May 2013
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

I live near a big city in Mexico Texas.  One of the benefits is all the variety of restaurants to go and be an ‘MURICAN! by eating more than I should.  This especially holds true with the variety of all you can eat buffet’s in town!  Chinese, Pizza, Mongolian, Salad, General!  Any kind of food you can pretty much find!  

One of these buffet establishments, that’s popular enough to have LOTS of location in town, is Ghetto Pizza! I mean CiCi’s pizza! Apparently they are in other states/locations too!   Anyways…I call it Ghetto pizza for X reasons (Note: Your locations may vary, this is from my experiences in San Antonio, TX):

  1. The food is sub-par  I’ve had better frozen pizza’s. Their salad bar is a joke, and their noodle/sauces they offer taste like they came from a Military warehouse. Of course this is only my opinion, which is always right.
  2. The customers. When you tell someone to think of a ‘Ghetto’ and the type of people you’d find in and around a Ghetto…that’s at least 85% of the customers at CiCi’s. And for your racist types, I don’t mean black I mean more like…
    1. Obese and don’t know it/refuse to acknowledge it (And wearing way less clothes than they should)
    2. Tattoo’s.  Not of butterflies and puppies. We’re talking tramp stamps, guns, skulls, obvious gang affiliation style tattoos, especially on the face/neck area.  NOT EVERY TATTOO’D PERSON IS BAD, I KNOW THIS.  But how many times on Cops do you see them rest a non-tattoo’d person? Just saying.
    3. Planet Mom’s – These are woman (usually obese) with 4+ children, that they don’t care to supervise, or look after. She lets them run all around her like little satellites while she stays at her table putting slice #374 of pizza down her gullet to hopefully choke out the remaining desire to be a human she has left.
    4. Bratty, unsupervised, loud, messy, obnoxious kids.  See just above.  Similar, but with parent(s) who don’t seem to care either, even if they aren’t obese…they could have just 1 kid. Still ignores them.
  3. The obvious lack of manners, energy of the workers, or their ability to care anymore.  Those behind the pizza line seem okay, but the people busing the tables, and cleaning up the messes from all the misbehaved and careless people, you can see their soul had been broken.  They’re not doing the job because they love it. It’s a last ditch effort to get back on their feet.
  4. The cleanliness of the restaurant. One time I was in a CiCi’s, they have a little arcade for the brats..they had 2 different racing games with the seats and everything…both had a puddle of soda poured in them.  The staff obviously don’t care, the parents let their kids run around and make messes and don’t care, just kind of like you’d see in a Ghetto maybe?

Now that being said. I have, and probably will still eat there once or twice a year.   Why?  BECAUSE THIS IS ‘MURICA! Also I like pizza. And I have kids. Kids + Buffets = best choice ever.  They can eat what they want. They can eat as much as they want. Unlike the other parents, I make sure my kids behave, aren’t running around, and are supervised at all times necessary. Also they don’t scream/make a huge mess because I’m what people would refer to as a GOOD PARENT (And so is my Wife…okay, it’s all her doing really, she makes sure the kids do good).

My point isn’t to rant, or review CiCi’s pizza…I was just providing a back story of some sort.  Now that we’re all on the same page, time for the real reason.  Their utter failure at a coupon!

In the mail, like most ‘MURICANS!, I receive junk mail. Some of it is good enough to at least give me one or two coupons that are worth while in the dozens of pages of crap.  This time, there were some coupons for CiCi’s!

2013-05-08 20.05.30

Being the cheap bastard I was, I saw the coupon in the bottom left for a way to feed my spawn for cheap, which is always awesome, so I pounced on it.

Wanting to make sure I understood the coupon, because a LOT of coupons have weird loop holes with dates, times, required purchases, etc, I looked to the fine print…and this is where it gets funny:

2013-05-08 20.05.22

What’s that first line of the fine print say?!?

Kids 4-10 years old drinks not included.

……what?…But…But…the coupon…it’s for a Kids Buffet & Drink…right?…but it doesn’t include drinks….how does that work?

I haven’t had a chance to try taking it to CiCi’s, probably won’t cause I’m lazy…but seriously how did no editor read this and say: “Wait…your coupon is cancelling itself out here, you might want to change this in some way or another?”

Ghetto coupon is ghetto.

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