McDonald’s – Their Fail is My Win

06 Apr 2013
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

On the way to work this evening I swung through the nearby McDonald’s to get my fat $1 burger’s on.  I do this from time to time. It’s no secret.  And on occasion I get crappy service from these sorts of establishments.  This is obviously going to be about ponies instead of that.  

This McDonald’s (Which I have written about HERE before), has one of those weird ordering lines that has 2 lanes to take orders, that filter to one line for paying/picking up food.  My guess is it’s supposed to be because they can get the food out faster than they can take orders so it should flow smoother?  (hahaha yeah right).   Magically both the order lanes are open, and there is a car in one, so I pull into the other as it’s empty so I can hopefully place my order before the other person is done and get through the process of clogging my arteries just that much quicker.

As soon as I pull up I’m asked by someone through the speaker what they “can make for me today?”  I’ve seen the inside of a McD’s, the person taking the order is usually not making the orders…what a stupid thing to say…but I digress.   I tell them “RAWR JOEL NEED FOOD!!” (Translation: Two McDouble’s please, hold the pickles (LIKE THAT EVER WORKS)).  She throws some number at me and tells me to pull up to the next window.  Which I do. Beating the car that was there before me easily.  I love it when things work out.

I roll up to the payment window, and within 10 seconds am handing over hard earned money I stole from the ‘Make-a-wish’ donation bucket at my local gas and gulp. Get my change, and proceed to pull up to the window that you pick your food up from.

You may have noticed that everything is going great thus far.  I’ve spent less than 2 minutes arriving, placing an order, paying for an order and proceeding to the place to pick it up.  You may also noticed I broke the flow of the story to point out something you already noticed, and could be called Captain Obvious for being so obvious in what I just said, and what I’m about to say…Like a fat clumsy person in The Alps who just tripped, this is where it starts to go downhill…

I pull up, mouth already salivating from the 850mg of sodium that is about to grace it’s presence, I stop…and wait.

And wait.

And about 3-5 minutes of waiting, some young punk type of a person acknowledges my existence and sticks their head out the window. “Can I have you pull forward just around the corner in front of the building, we’ll bring your food out to you in just a min.”  Fantastic.

I pull up around the corner thing in their parking lot, parking near the door I’m guessing is where they’ll bring my food out from and stop.  And wait.  And wait.

The fun part is the place they wanted me to wait was that it is right near one of the entrances/exits to their parking lot.  Making people coming and going having to maneuver around where my car is stopped.  Very awkward.   But I waited, as I was hungry and wanted my food that I already paid for.

While waiting I see the car that was placing an order when I originally pulled up leave…as in they got their food before me, even though I finished my order first.  Fantastic!  And there goes another car after them.

Then, a car pulls up from the drive thru line right behind me.  Apparently they were asked to pull up too so that the McD’s could serve other people food first.  I start to wonder if they are treating me like this because I’m black. I’m not black, but you never know.   This is also where some hilarity ensues.  The driver who pulled up behind me, didn’t really get out of the drive thru line much, causing the person behind them to not be able to leave (with their food)..causing the line to come to a stand still.

Now I’ve been waiting for 10-15 minutes.  My instinct is to pull up a bit more to help alleviate the line behind me, but decide that they wouldn’t be in this situation if they’d actually bring me my food.  You have to remember. 1-2 minutes ordering and paying, 5 minutes waiting at the window, now about 15 waiting in front.  I’ve been waiting what I’ll call 20 minutes even for my FAST FOOD.   Also, the longer I wait, the greater the chance I’ll be late to work as I was picking this food up on my way into work.

I waited, blocked traffic, made it difficult for people maneuvering in the parking lot, all on the instructions of some teenager at a window.  But what’s this! I see a manager type person with a bag of food heading from behind the counter!  HURRAH!

Wait…why is he stopping…no don’t go back!  Oh, he see’s an employee obviously just gotten off shift at a table near the door my food will have to go through.  Calls him over, and has him take a bag of food to me.

This is where I’ve had enough, I hate being late, and was pretty pissed at having to wait so long for such a simple order.  The guy comes out, hands me my food and apologizes for the wait.  I yank the food out of his hands, flip him the bird while saying ‘FUCK YOU ASSHOLE’ and slam down the accelerator of my car so my back wheels go all crazy spitting up rocks and smoke as I tear out of the parking lot. (Translation of what actually happened: I said thanks, grabbed the food nicely, and safely pulled away, got on the road and drove to work).

“But…Joel? I thought you said their Fail was your Win?  How? You got jerked around, and not in the good way involving sailors and baby oil!  Explain yourself!” you say?

I get to work, grab my crap and bag of food.  As I start to walk into work I decide my bag is larger than it should be, and not the right weight (How sad is it that I eat enough McDonald’s to have a good grasp on what type of bag they should use for certain orders, and how they should feel by weight? I may have a problem.  A problem called AMERICA!)  I start to panic, realizing that I forgot to check my order before I drove off since I was not happy and didn’t wanna be late to work (BTW I had at least 5 min. to spare to get into the office).

Shit. I look at the receipt attached to the outside of the bag, and I’m right, they fucked up my order.  Instead of getting me two McDouble’s, which cost $2 and some change, they gave me a medium Big Mac meal, minus the drink.  Which (with the drink) costs about $6.

That’s right, their mistake upgraded my meal from some crappy cheap burgers to some fries and one of their best selling burgers.

Now, I’m cheap. I’m also impatient. And I was also hungry.  At this point I decided it would take way to long to get back in my car, drive all the way back to the McD’s, explain the problem, have them replace it (which may have taken at least another 20 minutes), then drive back to work.  I did what any American with a sense of entitlement has, I decided “FUCK IT! If they wasted that much time, and gave me a better value of food than I was supposed to get, then it’s on them, not on me.”  And I took my fat ass with my better dinner into my work, where we get free drinks anyways cause my management is awesome.

This is where I’d usually throw some snarky wrap up comments in, but you’d be shocked to find out that it gets even better!

I get to my desk, tell my tale of weirdness to my co-worker, then proceed to eat my freshly obtained McGarbage.   It’s at this time I notice a sticker type thing on the Big Mac box.  What could this be?  It turns out McD’s is doing some NCAA (Basketball) Final Four contest/promotion.  There is a game piece that is kind of like a scratcher and you could win prizes and what not.

You are smart enough to realize I bring this up because the game piece is a loser, and not worth my time, right?

I scratch it off, it says I win!  What do I win? 40 MCR points? WTF are those?  I look closer…”OH! My Coke Rewards points!” I say out loud, confusing my co-worker.

I go to the My Coke Rewards site to see what the hell these could get me, and low and behold, a coupon for a free 20 oz bottle of coke is 40 points!  I quickly cash in my points and a coupon should arrive in the next few weeks via the mail!

I know that’s not a great prize, but you have to realize what just happened.

I went to McDonalds, gave them less than $3, and they failed at their basic job.

In return I got a $4 burger (price of Big Mac by itself), some $1 fries, and a future coupon for a free 20 oz soda ($1-$2 depending on where ya shop).

Thanks McDonalds!  I honestly felt like I was playing some weird version of Monopoly.  “McD’s Errors in your favor, collect $3”

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