Oklahoma – Fuck Oklahoma!

17 Oct 2012
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (3)  |  Add Comment

Recently I had the pleasure of having a vacation. This particular vacation involved a bit of driving through multiple states, and seeing multiple things.  During this trip I got to go through Oklahoma. After driving through it twice, I’ve decided it is now my most hated state in the United States of America.  Congrats Oklahoma, you managed to knock Texas down to #2 on my list!

First, to drive through Oklahoma will cost you a lot of time, or extra money.  It was pretty much the only State that I had to pay tolls to use the main freeways.  My other options where weird backroads that would have taken twice as long to navigate with stop lights and crap like that.  I did pay some tolls in Chicago area, but it was one freeway, and it was only like 50 cents. In Oklahoma I spent about $5+ extra just in tolls.

Yeah it’s not a lot of money, but it still required stopping at various places to talk to some poor schmuck in a little booth, hand them over some change/bills, and then drive on until you have to do it again.   I don’t like having to stop when I’m driving, it’s just annoying.

The next issue, of course along with the driving theme, was road construction. I’ve been in various kinds of road construction areas, in various parts of the U.S.  This though…was full on retarded.  What Oklahoma does for road construction is create what are called ‘Work Zone Speed Limits” where they threaten all kinds of minimum fines, and explain that even though the interstate is normally 75MPH, the work zone is anywhere from 45-55MPH.  Annoying yes, but I understand it as a safety factor.  I don’t have a problem with wanting people to drive safe near those working on the road.

The problem with Oklahoma’s road construction is that they would shut down the 2 lane, 75mph interstate, down to 1 lane for about 10-15 Miles. That’s 10-15 miles of 55MPH freeway in the middle of the nothingness that is Oklahoma. Okay, fine.  But these 10-15 miles of 1 lane road…there was usually NO ROAD CONSTRUCTION HAPPENING.  Any construction equipment near these areas was parked, and no where near the road. There were no workers. NOTHING.  Just 15 miles of 1 lane, slow ass driving, for NOTHING.

Even better is the one section of this supposed road construction there were some people working.  They were working on about 100 feet of freeway…ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MEDIAN!  Safety overkill?  Just bored construction workers being dicks?  Not sure.  Fucking annoying? Yes.

Another reason I hate Oklahoma is that there is NOTHING THERE.  I drove  through that state twice.  It was some of the most boring driving/scenery I’ve ever had to deal with.  That’s all I have to say about that. Oklahoma is boring.

And while we’re at it.  Tulsa.  What the fuck is that even doing there?  It’s a very stupid looking city. Please be aware I didn’t stop in Tulsa, because I only drove in/near it toward the end of my trip and I gave up on Oklahoma by then.

During my families journey through that horrible state, we decided to stop and get some McDonalds.  Mainly because we’re American, so eating crap is part of our culture, but also because we had lots of driving to do, so something quick was preferred.  The McDonalds was pretty dirty, and apparently the A/C was on the fritz (It was kind of warm and humid up in there), and the standard low standards you’d find at a McD’s.  I’m not totally blaming Oklahoma for that, as you can find that in any McD’s in any state.  BUT, we when I got my super sugar beverage (Coke) from their dispenser, it tasted HORRIBLE.  So I tried the Dr. Pepper.  Same crappy taste!! Okay, maybe the soda machine’s on the fritz, lets try the iced tea…BLECH!  Apparently Oklahoma has very shitty tasting water.  Maybe it was ruined by all the tears from the local Indian tribes (feather, not dot).

Now, its important to know that I didn’t spend much time in Oklahoma. Probably not even more than 24 hours.  Spent the night there on the way up, and drove straight through it on the way home. I didn’t get to know anyone personally from Oklahoma.  Also, I haven’t been to every state in the United States, so it being on the top of my list of worst states, means it’s only on a list of about 8-10 states (Texas is #2 for those playing the home game).

My point is this. FUCK OKLAHOMA.

 

3 Responses to “Oklahoma – Fuck Oklahoma!”

  1. munky Says:

    JOEL!!!

    How did you survive such a long trip?

    do you go left do you go right… do you drive through the women and children?

  2. Viktor vander Dekken Says:

    Go east to west, or west to east across Kansas. This will drop Okla to #2, if not #3.
    It takes FOREVER to drive acorss Kansas!

  3. oklahoma sucks Says:

    How about the retard dangerous oklahoma drivers? You missed the most important man!