Cops – How To Not Get Caught

08 Apr 2011
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: How To.., Rants  |  Comments (3)  |  Add Comment

I enjoy watching the TV show Cops.  Cops was the first shows dubbed “reality television” (even though technically any documentary is reality TV).

It is a great show because it contains action, comedy, and drama all in one show.  Plus if you have the 150+ channel cable/satellite package there are at no less than four stations that re-run episodes of cops (G4TV, TruTV, on).

After watching quite a few episodes I’ve figured out a few ways improve your chances of not getting arrested.

1 – Wear a shirt.

I am not kidding.  Every single episode of Cops I have seen, the guy without a shirt on gets put in the back of a police car.

2 – If you have illegal firearms/drugs in your car. Maintain your car and driving.

I am not kidding.  Seriously watch an episode of cops.  When the officer is not responding to a call, 90% of the time he/she is on patrol and notices a car with a mechanical issue.  I’ve seen a car pulled over for the following things:

  • Cracked windshield
  • Broken tail light
  • one headlight
  • license plate light not on
  • excessive exhaust (smoke from the tail pipe)
  • questionable window tint (too dark)

ALL of those things led to the cop then discovering drugs/illegal items.  And the driver goes to jail.  If they would have just fixed the minor issues with their car, they could have stayed out of jail.

Also, I’ve seen episodes of cops where they did pull over a car for things such as not using the turn signal.  It sounds cliche, but it does happen!  So, if you want to carry around an illegal substance, work on your driving skills first!  If you have illegal shit on you, or possibly even warrants, don’t speed either.  That’s just asking for trouble.

3 – Drug Transportation / Hiding spots

So you didn’t use your signal and the cop pulled you over.  He asks a simple question. “Is it alright if I search your car?”  NO MATTER HOW YOU ANSWER IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.  You say no, then it’s probable cause. If you say yes, then obviously it’s a go.  The thing is that if you say yes, the cop will most likely just do a quick check and won’t bring in a drug sniffing dog.

This means if you are transporting a decent amount of drugs find a way to store it in the car, but not in the car.  Like in the bumper, make a little place within the engine compartment. Under the wheel well.  Something.  But leaving it in a bag in your glove box is not the smartest move.

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen/heard about some odd way drug cartels use to try to smuggle drugs across the border.  They go through all of that and get caught by the border patrol who are very well armed in the ways of detection.  So use some of there tactics as a regular town sheriff won’t have a damned clue to check to make sure your spare tire is REALLY a spare tire and not filled with drugs.

4 – Joel’s Crazy Balloon idea.

Alright, this one is an idea I had after watching a lot of police type shows.  During a car/foot chase, the suspect will try to ditch the drugs/weapon he had on him.  Which makes sense because if they catch you but have little to no evidence, your jail time and fines will be a lot less.

This got me to thinking.  So lets say you are a drug dealer, you stand on the corner handing out bad things to stupid people.  Why not have some balloons?

“What the fuck? Balloons?  Are you retarded?” You ask.  Think about it.  You’re out selling your pot, suddenly the cops come out of no where sirens blaring, your busted!  But wait, you quickly clip your stash to the balloons and LET GO!  Bam! The cop slams you to the ground and his partner helplessly watches any evidence they had float off with no way of retrieving it.

Yes, you will lose the drugs that cost you some cash. Yes you will probably still be detained/arrested.  But think about it. Any good phone book lawyer should be able to get your sentence/fine reduced or completely dismissed because of lack of evidence.  This means less time in jail, less fine money owed, which ultimately leads to you being back on the street doing illegal things that get you money.

This could also work dealing out of a car.  The balloon(s) can fly out the window. Or better yet get a sunroof or convertible!

5 – Don’t do anything illegal.

The first 4 things were all I really had.  And it usually goes without saying, but the best way to not get arrested, is don’t do anything illegal dumbass.

Please note, I do not condone anything mentioned above, please obey all laws.  The information above is not to be used in real life and I take no responsibility for your actions or any consequences from attempting anything from above.

3 Responses to “Cops – How To Not Get Caught”

  1. Viktor van der Dekken Says:

    You forgot to specify the ballons must be Helium-filled. Ballons pumped up at the gas station don’t float away.
    In the book “Puppet on a Chain” by Alistair McLean, the drugs are being transported / sold via Dutch Huggenot (sp?) dolls sold by a street organ musician.
    Just in case you didn’t know it, when the badge toters arrive at a “domestic violence” scene, one person is -repeat IS- going to be arrested. Just the way it is. Cops hate domestic violence calls as they are way more dangerous than dealing with bank or stop-n-rob holdups.
    The weisenheimers used to say: “If you can’t do the time (in the slammer) don’t do the crime.”
    Or as a USN Petty Officer I used to know said: “It is much easier to Stay out of trouble than it is to Get out of trouble.”

  2. Zalaris Lanier Says:

    [Editors note: link removed as I do not condone breaking the law]

    This is a link for Youtube. It has an ex-cop telling you how not to get caught from his own old tactics. It’s worth checking out.


  3. Mitch Notmyreallastname Says:

    ummm… if you say no that’s not probable cause, it means no. you just have to be very clear about it and say “officer i do not consent to any searches” or something like that.