McOatmeal – Get Your Bowl Of Stupid

20 Dec 2010
Author: Joel The Great  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (2)  |  Add Comment

So McDonalds has decided to roll out a new breakfast item.  Oatmeal! (It’s as exciting as a stripper on a smoke break).  Let’s see what you think about it…

Here it is in all it’s glory:

Appetizing isn’t it!?!  So here is the problem.  They want to charge you $1.99 for this.  Why is that a problem?  Well I’m glad you asked.

A box of 8-12 packets of instant oatmeal costs roughly $1-3 depending on if you get the plain flavorless or the fancy includes fruit and creme fancy Quaker kind.  The looks of the McOatmeal is to be maybe 2 packets worth of oatmeal.   Do you see the problem?

To spell it out for the slower amongst you, we’ll say you can get 10 packets of Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Oatmeal for $3 a box (including tax).  If you were to eat one bowl made of two packets for breakfast every day, the store bought box would last you 5 days.   Where as 5 days of the McOatmeal would cost you $10 (plus tax).

To further summarize:

  • Store bought oatmeal = $0.60 per bowl
    • 5 work days = $3 for breakfast
  • McOatmeal = $2.00 per ‘bowl’
    • 5 work days = $10 for breakfast

That’s THREE TIMES AS MUCH!!!  (I did that in my head cause I’m smrt).

“FOUL!” you cry!  But what about the FRUIT that McDonalds adds!! Fruit is expensive!!

Well, you got me there, you’re right.  I’m completely off base.  You have pointed out the error in my ways which will force me to re-evaluate my existence….oh wait, no, you’re the one who is wrong.

Fruit indeed is not cheap, depending on what kind of fruit.  But lets look at how much fruit is actually in the McOatmeal.

From the picture I posted above.  To me it appears at most to be about 2 SLICES of an Apple diced, and a few raisins.

An Apple costs less than $1, and you can get like 8 mini boxes of raisins for maybe $1.  So lets redo the math to show you how you’re an idiot.

  • Home Oatmeal
    • $0.60 – 2 packets of Oatmeal
    • $0.07 – 1/2 of a small box of raisins (8 boxes / $1 = $0.125 per box)
    • $0.10 – 1/6th of a decent apple from a bag of apples (2 slices)
      • TOTAL = $0.77
      • 5 days = $3.85
      • 1 year =$ 281.05
  • McOatmel
      • TOTAL = $2.00
      • 5 days = $10.00
      • 1 year = $730.00

So if you decided to suddenly eat healthy and have oatmeal every day, McOatmeal would cost you almost $500 more.

Other added benefits to making it at home:

  1. Pick flavor of oatmeal
  2. Pick what kind of Fruit you want (prices vary)
  3. Pick how much fruit you want
  4. Don’t waste your time talking to some pimple faced idiot behind the counter who doesn’t speak English as his primary language because he’s new to this country.
  5. Less likely to be stabbed

But, as I like to rant you like to complain about points that are utterly ridiculous… “But I’m too busy to make oatmeal in the morning, that’s why I get it at Mcdonald’s.  I pay for the convienence.”

Shoot yourself.  Wait, no, shoot your family to prevent them from making more of you, then shoot yourself.

I don’t know what delusional world you live in, but for that statement to be close to true you would have to have a McDonald’s conveniently  on your path to work, have no cars in the drive through, and no customers at all to slow down the staff, manned perfectly with someone who can understand you and get your order right, and be able to process your payment method quickly.

I’ve been through a few McDonald’s in my day..drive through and dine in.  And THERE IS NO WAY that you can get in and out with your oatmeal quicker than the 1-2 minutes it would take to make it your damned self.  I used to work a graveyard shift where there were no customers, or cars, or anyone in the way, but it still took them 10 minutes to get me through their drive thru, and still screw up my order.

So anyways, my point is McDonald’s is trying to offer healthy options, which is okay I guess.  But when it costs almost three times as much compared to making it at home, it’s just an insult.

There are a few situations I can possibly understand getting the McOatmeal:

  1. On the road (truck driver) – Killing prostitutes makes long haul drivers hungry, and it’s not like they can make Oatmeal in their truck/car.  But usually they’d prefer a hearty breakfast with some meat, not fucking Oatmeal.  Hooker killing requires bacon.
  2. Homeless people – You can’t make it at home if you don’t have a home.  But this will never be an issue because bums spend their money on crack and liqueur.
  3. The extremely rich – Face it, rich people are wasteful with their money, buying 6 cars, 3 houses, 7 boats.  They just don’t care.  They could buy the McDonald’s if they wanted to.  But how often do you see someone rich eating OATMEAL, let alone oatmeal from a McDonald’s?
  4. Prostitutes – They’re probably just on the same corner, and don’t want to eat something too fattening otherwise their pimp will beat them.  Then again they usually get paid to have something hot and creamy in their stomach, so maybe this is a bad example.

Next from McDonald’s, McPopTarts?

2 Responses to “McOatmeal – Get Your Bowl Of Stupid”

  1. Duncan HInes Says:

    Do they offer Oatmeal in a happy meal format? Well, not in San Fran-lunny-land, Ca they don’t. I should shop at H.E.B as even the MIlitary Commissary charges a bit more than $3 for the ten-pack box of instant oatmeal. True cost is figured by cost per ounce. How much does the McOatmeal weigh (not counting the plastic or cardboard container)?
    Oatmeal is a nice chnge, but breakfast should be bacon (sausauge, ham, pork chops, or steak) and eggs, a side of biscuits n gravy, maybe a waffle with butter and maple syrup and (as a Yankee) a hot slice of apple pie with melted chedar cheese on it. Oh yeah, Orange or tomato jucie to start and coffee to drink with.
    Since I am dealing with a Texan, substitue the waffle with a side of grits.
    Drat all this food talk and I have a bologna sandwich (with mustard & horseradish) for lunch. .

  2. McOatmeal - Bowl of Lies | JoelTheGreat.com Says:

    […] Back in December I wrote this great article: McOatmeal – Get Your Bowl Of Stupid […]